physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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