i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
