Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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