i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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