Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
wanna go halves on a baby?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
