and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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