If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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