just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
