Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
