My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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