i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
