she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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