I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
