i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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