She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
