The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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