I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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