Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
