I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just google imaged poop.
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It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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