Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize