Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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