Your mouth is God's brothel.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
