I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
