Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
