the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
