there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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