I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
