I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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