Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Michael Bay diarrhea
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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