guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
