normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
