it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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