I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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