Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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