i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
