508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
