Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
