i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We're like a lot better than the average bears
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
