your thong is hanging out like whoa
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
