he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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