this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
