So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
