We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
