do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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