Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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