Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
