If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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