halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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