Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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