You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
