My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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