I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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