I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
