So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
