I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
