I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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