Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
