just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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