I didn't shave. On purpose
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
