I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
