Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
