Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
