I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The Olympian is in my bed
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
