I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
