put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
