i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
