Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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