Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
