Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
