what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
