Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
how drunk are you?
Several
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
