can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
